Volunteers are adored... but when is too much?

Q: Hi, I have an awkward situation I'd love to have some advice on. I am very supportive parent and I like to offer volunteer help in my kids' classrooms. This year, my youngest is in our favorite teacher's kindergarten class. I was so excited to have time available to volunteer in this teacher's class one a week, for a couple of hours.. because I like to be of help, but also because I really like this teacher as a person and she is fun to chat with. Last week when I went in to help out, she apporached me with a calendar and asked if I could possibly come in -less-.. maybe twice a month instead of each week. Apparently she has a handful of volunteers this year. I was crushed - I love helping out in her class and having time to talk with her, and I took it very personally (Although I tried my best to remain open and not to let her know how much it bothered me). But I can't shake this.. no teacher has ever asked me to come into their class to help out -less-. I considered this teacher a friend, and I feel hurt. We eventually agreed that I would sign up for the days avaiable that I wanted to help and she would tell me to NOT come in if someone else wanted that day instead. I also offered to switch days, be flexible, maybe even bring lunch in for her occassionally and help with the things she had to tackle over her lunch hour (which she kindly turned down). I feel we are at a very awkward point right now and I'd love some advice on how to proceed. And I would like to have her friendship back, like it was when my son was in her class three years ago. Where did I go wrong? --Posted by Anonymous to Ask the Teacher at 9/20/2005 02:13:31 PM

A: Give yourself a pat on the back -- good for you for volunteering! In some school systems, volunteers are so hard to find. And its wonderful you want to be a part of the classroom. The kids really like to see their parents there and have been found to perform better when the parents are involved.

That being said, please remember that a lot of parents want to be involved in their child's education. This is especially true of the younger children, so the fact that there are a lot of parents volunteering in a Kindergarten classroom doesn't surprise me at all. And when you have volunteers, its really important to use all of them, to make each of them feel wanted in the classroom. Otherwise, its like turning down a free meal. Plus, the teacher to whom everyone is volunteering doesn't want to turn anyone down in fear people will start saying "oh, she doesn't like me..."

The truth is a teacher's time is precious. She has so much curriculum to do in each day, and very few hours to do it. As much as parents don't like to hear it, it really doesn't help to have parents in the classroom all the time. Its great to have one come by for 15 mintues to read a book or help with a craft. But some teachers, myself included, found it hard to schedfule parents all the time, because a lot of the activities and lessons aren't always volunteer friendly. I loved the parents who volunteered to come help with the parties, or help get centers ready, or make things at home. Sometimes having parents in the room for a lesson was a burden for me. Afterall, I'd have to explain the lesson and to the parent, get her set, then explain it to the kids, and get them set. Now, imagine that all 20ish of my kids parents want to volunteer, I am now stuck to find a time to schedule each in. And I can't play favorites and allow Susie's Mommy to come once a week just because I like her and we're friends. That wouldn't be fair to Ralph's Mommy, or more importantly, little Ralphie--a mom who really wants to come often as well.

Please don't feel crushed! The teacher is being as fair and even as possible here. This really isn't something to take personally. Just think of it from the teacher's perspective... she'd love to have you in a lot, but she has to juggle a large number of volunteers. And be happy for your child and her class--they're going to have a large community to learn from.

Now, a few things that set off the teacher alarms when I read your post:

• Don't offer to help at lunch!! Seriously, this is the teacher's only downtime during the day. She'll probably have to schedule a variety of meetings during her lunch... and what she really wants is to sit down with her co-workers and either talk about work or talk about any thing but work. Remember that this is her social circle. Offering to "help" then, even if she spends lunch in her classroom alone, can be looked at as overbearing.
• Watch out during the time you do volunteer. As a volunteer, you are not there to chat and be friendly. Your primary concern should be to help out in the classroom. You noted that "I really like this teacher as a person and she is fun to chat with." That is not the purpose of volunteering in the classroom. If a parent came in to volunteer and we ended up chatting, I know I'd never get anything done that I needed to. Not only that, but if my principal stopped in and saw that I was chatting and, therefore, distracted from my job, I'd be in a whole lot of trouble!!
• DO volunteer elsewhere in the school. Since you obviously have the time available, I can think of a variety of other areas where your help is needed: library, parent-teacher association, lunch room, Principal's secretary... make yourself useful and you'll still be happy!

Finally, there should be a fine line between parent and teacher. You need to work together to make sure your child has the best education possible. But friendships aren't always the best relationship you can have with a teacher. A relationship of respect, honor and trust is most important. Wait to become friends after the child is out of the classroom, or the school. It can make things a lot easier on you and the teacher!

Study shows violence in schools drops

This is good news! Who isn't haunted by the school massacres of 2001? (Columbine and the like.) The report shows that from 1992 through 2002 violence in public schools has dropped dramatically, and theft has fallen steadily. The eerie part is that from 2001-2002, there was only a small drop in both theft and violence.

However, the number of incidents of crime in schools is still staggering. The report found that there were 1.7 million crimes reported in 2002. Additionally, marijuana use increased by 4 percent from 1999 through 2003 (reported in a survey of students in grades 9-12). Drug use, according to the study, has not changed in the decade reported, and street gangs are still reported to be active in around 21 percent of the schools interviewed.

Critics of the report state that the data is misleading and outdated. Read the report here.
www.cnn.com

Parent-Teacher Conference Time

Its that time of year, again. Teachers knees are shaking as they prepare portfolios, folders, and classrooms for parents to see what their children are (or aren't) learning. And the parents' knees are knocking, too. "That mean lady hates my kid! She gave him all C's!!"

What's behind the conferences? How can we best prepare for a conference to know that the most important information is covered? Here is a great article from the NEA (National Education Association) that will help parents prepare.

Remember, parents and teachers, its teamwork that makes your child learn best. article

Q1: Top 10 Holiday Gifts for Teachers

Question: What are your favorite Teacher gifts for the holidays?

Answer: I'm sure that each teacher has a different favorite gift of all time. Here are my Top 8(not necessarily in order). Teachers, please offer your suggestions in the comments area.

1. Spa Gift Certificate
2. Book Store Gift Certificate
3. Southern Living at Home serving Platter
4. Gourmet Coffees, teas, hot cocoas, etc.
5. Clothing Gift Certificate
6. Mall Gift Certificate (if the giver is certain the mall is a mall where the teacher shops).
7. Magazine subscription (not a teacher magazine, but a magazine the giver knows is one the teacher would enjoy. For example, I was given a 2 year subscription to Philadelphia Magazine.)
8. Brighton Jewelry

Why so many gift certificates you wonder? True, they seem impersonal. However, there is a certain amount of information that parents should know about a teacher. Style and interests outside of their career is not one of them. Gift Certificates are a wonderful way to ensure that the teacher receive something he or she will enjoy. But, stay away from gift certificates that will not be convenient. For example, do not give a gift certificate to a mall that is an hour away from the teacher's home. If you are giving a gift certificate, make certain that there are a large number of that store in her area. Two years ago I was given a $50 gift certificate to an excellent sushi restaurant located about 20 minutes from school, in the opposite direction from my home--and my home is 45 minutes from school -- the gift certificate is still on my refrigerator.

Bottom 8 teacher gifts of all time (not in order):

1. Ornaments, anything religious, holiday-ish (know the teacher's religion before you give a religious gift. This can be offensive, and one of the biggest mistakes parents make when gift giving. Even if you do know the religion, it may still be an offensive gift as mixing religion with public education is a big "no-no".)
2. Lotions, soaps, candles -- gifts that are regifted and regifted and regifted...
3. Mugs -- come on, how many mugs does a teacher need?
4. Calendar -- same as above. Look around the room, I'm fairly certain the teacher already has a calendar hanging.
5. Cheap teas, coffees, etc. The teacher can get this for free in the teachers' lounge.
6. Hand-made gifts. Okay, they're a nice thought. And some teachers will get sentimental. But come on, what do you think they really do with them after the school year is over?
7. Food. Some food is fine, but try to get a feel for the teacher first. Think of the poor teacher who was allergic to chocolate and peanuts, she went home with very little each holiday--though the janitors were very happy!
8. Money. Tips are not appropriate for teachers. They are professionals and, generally, not permitted to accept monetary gifts. This makes for an extremely awkward thank you note.

All of these gifts are pretty generic. We'd love to hear how creative you've gotten. What is the most creative gift you've given to a teacher (or received)? The best? The worst? Maybe your gift will make it to next year's list!

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Launching Ask the Teacher

Welcome to Ask The Teacher! Our goal is to provide you, the parent or teacher, with a place to discuss your questions and ideas you just don’t know how to handle. Like an advice column, we need your questions to get started. So reply to the questions needed post, and we’ll be happy to post our response.

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